There's something so human about storytelling, and not just the kind we tell socially. The stories we only tell ourselves are even more impactful.
Imagine yourself driving down the road when someone comes speeding up behind you, cutting you off as you pound you breaks to prevent a collision.
Which story feels better?
- 1.
That maniac doesn't think about the safety of others!
- 2.
I wonder where they're going in such a hurry?
- 3.
I'm sure glad nobody got hurt.
Until more information is made available, which will probably never happen, all three of them are equally valid stories.
Brene Brown uses the phrase "The story I'm telling myself..." as a tool to recognize that what we perceive as reality is just one perspective that we've decided we're going with.
It shouldn't surprise us that we do this. Our brains unconsciously tell us fictitious stories all the time. Plenty of studies have demonstrated that our moods, the time of day, how fast we're traveling, or what we're paying attention to dramatically change what our perceived reality is.
Likewise, our memories are stories about the past that inform our present and future. But memories are moldable. We can literally change those stories of the past if they don't suit us. By telling the right stories, it's possible to heal from past hurt.
Our attitude about the things we do is shaped by the stories we tell about them. We could dislike the act of mowing the lawn, but telling ourselves that we appreciate a well-tended yard gives us the boost to just go and do it. Or we might realize that it's not that valuable to us anyway and replace it with a rock garden.
Naturally, this extends to the stories we tell ourselves about other people.
All this to say, I think there's a power in being generous and gracious in the stories we tell ourselves.